Confidence is like motivation. Sometimes you have bucket loads, other times it up and leaves and goes on holiday without so much as a postcard.

That’s when those bad tenants move in – they’re called self-doubt, anxiety and self-judgement.

Next time your confidence has fled and left you huddled under the donna, try these tips.

BONUS TIP:

Create a circle of confidence: When you are feeling less than confident, close your eyes, imagine a circle on the ground in front of you. Give it a colour, one you associate with confidence. Remember a time when you felt confident and in control. Step inside the circle. For full instructions click the link here and grab your copy.

Step into confidence by really getting to know yourself.

Helen is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master and Mindset Coach. Helen inspires women (and men) to rediscover their magic, enabling them to live a life of ease and freedom. Helen works one to one and in small groups.

Today, Tuesday 8th March 2016 is International Women’s Day. As women we are leaders. Whether it be a leader in business, the community, politics or the leaders of our family or simply just ourselves. No matter how or who you lead, it is important that we lead with intent and with purpose.

So, how do we do that? First, we must know ourselves really well. We must be clear on what we value and what we stand for and ultimately what is important to us. Only once we intimately know ourselves can we begin to get to know others.

Once we have that understanding that not everyone thinks how we think or behaves how we behave, can be begin to understand. Only then, can we really lead with intent. Only once we have an understanding of what drives us, can we comprehend that it is not that same thing that drives those around us.

Only then, can we lead with intent and with purpose. Bringing those in our ‘team’ together. Leading them and guiding them with their needs in mind and playing to everyone’s strengths.

Let’s take a look at an example. Anyone who has dealt with a three year old will understand where I am coming from. Your need, your priority is it get out the door to playgroup. But for the three year old it is not a priority to them. They can’t understand why you are trying to pull them away from playing blocks (their immediate priority). You can explain and yell and rant at that three year old until you are blue in the face, but they will never understand your point of view. Yet, this is exactly how we approach many of our adult interactions, with only our priorities and needs in mind. To the other person it is as foreign a concept as it would be to a three year old.

So, I challenge you to ask yourself this ‘How can I lead with intent and purpose?’.

I want to share something personal with you, it’s that I’m feeling totally fabulous and completely on top of the world!

What’s so personal about that?

Well, it’s because it hasn’t always been that way. For a great deal of my life I suffered crippling anxiety, depression, panic attacks and chronic illness.

But underneath all that, I was essentially a glass half full type of person for the most part. I’m sure I tried every lotion, potion and pill available. Deep down I knew that what I was doing wasn’t working and I really longed for relief. Beneath all the life challenges, what I really wanted was to find my passion. Whatever that was, I knew I wanted it to be helping people.

And so began a decade long search. I started reading self help books, studied counselling, investigated mindfulness, learned to meditate and took yoga classes, to name a just a few of my exploits. I also learned about archetypes and learning styles. I studied Reiki and then finally hypnosis and that’s when it all really started falling into place. I knew that I had found my passion and I could finally start making a difference to my own health and wellbeing and that of others.

So you might think this is a happily, ever after story...and it kind of is...but there is no fairy tale ending without first having to defeat the nemesis.

The last few weeks I had a strange and somewhat foreign feeling. A knot in my stomach. At first I was a bit confused and thought that I had eaten something to cause it. Slowly but surely over a few days the feeling got a little worse. Then it dawned on me.

I FEEL ANXIOUS!!!!

I thought to myself, this is ridiculous!!!! I am a relaxation coach and it’s my job to help people to stop feeling anxious and here I am feeling exactly that way myself.

You see, I have a really good excuse. I mean, I have a lot going on, a lot to feel anxious about. I am putting together a new kick butt programme to assist women to work through their anxieties and rediscover their sparks and passions...

Cue laughter...

I know, I know, I KNOW. It is completely ludicrous that the very thing I am putting together a programme about, is causing me anxiety. I do very much see the irony. Let me be very clear on this. It is not the programme itself that is causing it. It’s the fear and the worry that I will have people that will want to do my programme because I have invested so much into it. Although with absolute certainty, I know that it will totally transform people’s lives.

So, what do I do about this insidious little critter called anxiety? I know all the tricks of the trade, so I get to work. Using all the tools I know and it’s helping. I am having moments of clarity where I catch myself thinking ‘It’s totally fine, life is awesome. Just flow with it’.

Phew, that’s better.

But I don’t feel 100% there. So I called in the big guns. I have hypnosis sessions and I talk to my friends and mentors. That’s when the real clarity begins. I begin to feel really grateful that I experienced this bout of anxiety. Because without it I would not have gone down a path of growth and what I have re-discovered is this (I say re-discovered for a reason...see point 4):

1. You cannot do it all on your own. It is a process.

Sometimes you just have to give ‘your stuff’ to someone else so they can process it for you.It works like a cycle.You give it to them; it flows from you to the other person.It passes through them and they help you process it. Then what comes back to you is totally transformed.

2. Don’t get hung up on the outcome.

If we are not concerned about the outcome then we can just become involved in the process and flow of what we are doing. Just going with the FLOW and being in the present.

3. You will never know what someone else is thinking.

Even when they tell you what they are thinking. Get your mind around that one! So, don’t even start imagining what’s going on in someone else’s head, because it just puts you on a road to nowhere.

4. You already have all the answers and all the knowledge within you.

You just need the help of others to coax and guide it from you.

If you are struggling with anxiety and would like some help. Please reach out, help is available.